Sugar and it's Destructive Effect

Sugar isn't as sweet as it seems.

This is the first in a series of articles on blood sugar and it's effect on codependency.

Sugar, if abused IS drug abuse... just as devastating as Cocaine abuse or Coffee abuse

Second feature article: Human Touch and it's Healing Effects

A lifetime of eating a high sugar diet (most Americans are eating upwards of 20.5 teaspoons a day), and too many carbohydrates, is a real concern. And if you've noticed, we've been hearing a lot about blood sugar lately.

It used to be something you didn't pay attention to until late in life—but given the typical American diet and lifestyle, it's now become something we all need to be aware of. I firmly believe we all need to pay attention to our blood sugar—and it's never too early to start, especially if you're already dealing with glucose issues.

Here's what happens. The sugars and starches you eat are converted to glucose (blood sugar), which enters your bloodstream to be transported to the cells where it's burned for energy. This is where insulin comes in. It "unlocks" your cell walls so the glucose can enter, but in order for this to work, your cells need to be sensitive to insulin.

When your cells aren't sensitive to insulin, your body has to do something with the glucose. It converts some of it into fat, and the rest can become AGEs (advanced glycation end products)—which can build up in the tissues, and affect cellular function. The bottom line is you want to be sensitive to insulin.

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Human Touch and it's Healing Effects

Human touch is almost as necessary to life as air, water and food. Some people might argue that it is as important. We need to be held by our parents or a caregiver when we are newborns and as children we look for hugs when we fall and scrape our knees. As adults, we still need to be touched–in appropriate and healthy ways, of course.

Perhaps that’s why many hospitals worldwide have started incorporating therapeutic touch, Reiki, and other forms of healing touch into hospice care. As an example, the The Portsmouth Regional Hospital in New Hampshire has provided well over 8,000 Reiki treatments to patients since 1995. Reiki (pronounced “ray-key”) is a Japanese healing art that involves laying-on of hands to channel universal healing energy through the practitioner to the recipient. The word “Reiki” is Japanese for “universal life energy.”

The highly successful Reiki program, started by Patricia Alandydy, BSN, RN, offers Reiki treatments in every department of the hospital. Now, patients can have Reiki alongside more conventional surgeries, radiation, and other treatments.

And research is documenting the positive healing effects of Reiki and healing touch on diseases like cancer, heart disease, endocrine disorders, immune disorders, orthopedic conditions and injuries, pain, post-operative recovery, and psychological disorders. In one study at St. Clare’s Center for Complementary Medicine, Memorial Sloan Kettering Oncology Complementary Medicine Pilot Porgram, complementary therapies of meditation, healing touch, reflexology, Reiki, massage, and acupuncture were administered to outpatients. Patients who received Reiki or healing touch showed an average reduction in pain by 48 percent.

In a study of 48 patients who had total knee replacement surgery, along with pain and mobility impairment, those who experienced healing touch showed 30.6 percent greater mobility only 2 days after the surgery than those who had only conventional therapy, and 27 percent greater mobility than those people who experienced a placebo-type version of healing touch therapy.

The power of touch to heal is immense. In a world driven primarily by work and responsibilities, touch therapy has the capacity to help us slow down, experience the compassion of another human being, and heal our bodies, minds, and spirits."

read more at Care2.com

Excercize and Right Brain Activity

Wake Up to the Importance of Exercise
Working Out Improves Sleep Patterns

You stayed up late last night to finish a project, woke up groggy only to realize that you'd slept through the alarm clock, skipped breakfast, then almost fell asleep in the middle of an important morning meeting. It's now mid-afternoon and, as you're having yet another cup of coffee to stifle yet another yawn, you realize you're seemingly sleep walking through your days.

You're not the only one. Nightly sleep for the average American has dropped from 10 hours (before the invention of the lightbulb) to 6.9 hours, with a third of adults now getting even less than that! In fact, nearly half of all adults admit they...
Read Entire Article

RIGHT BRAIN ACTIVITY Right brain activity tends to be creative and innovative in character while left brain activity is rational and step-wise. The left brain controls the right side of the body and the right brain controls the left side of the body. Although it is not true that all left-handed people are more creative than right-handed people, many lefties are indeed creative. Ideally, both left- and right-handed people would be able to combine brain hemispheres and be both creative and rational. Unfortunately, most of us are either one or the other and combining both is not taught well in our schools, society, or by our peers. The right brain contains the fifth brain circuit which is a holistic, superconscious state and is a major goal of Tantric rituals. Opening the fifth brain circuit, represented by Tiphareth in the Tree of Life, brings the feeling of bliss, a vision of wholeness, the abililty to see holistically, and a neurosomatic ability, among many other benefits. It is also the first step to even higher brain circuits with abilities we almost never tap into. Another right brain activity is sex. The fourth brain circuit, the sexual circuit is located in the right hemisphere of our brains. When this brain circuit is energized, chemical changes are made in the body and brain which are enormously healing, inspirational, and energizing. This energy and chemistry can be used to awaken and energize the fifth brain circuit, creating even more chemical changes in the body of a highly desirable nature. We can heal our bodies with the chemical changes these brain circuits produce (neurosomatic means mind over matter) and many Tantric rituals, many techniques of the Tree of Life, and much of the teachings of the Tao are designed in such a way as to energize these two circuits. Methods of opening the right brain functions abound and include music, sex, art, exercise, massage, color therapy, aroma therapy, accupressure, polarity therapy, and much more. This book is about Tantra which is the attainment of spiritual values through control of sexual energy. Therefore, we will discuss principally the manner in which sex is used to open the right brain functions and specifically the fourth and fifth brain circuits. In our fore-brain, the frontal lobes, there are several more brain circuits seldom or never used consciously by the average person. We will also discuss later how to open these brain circuits by using the paths created by activating the right brain circuits. The reason sex is emphasized here is because this is the energy which is used to open the even higher and more powerful brain circuits available in our frontal lobe areas, the so-called "new brain" unique to humans and so seldom used by any of us.

Einstien as the codependent rebel?

Einstein's Very, Very Good Year
By David Bodanis, David Bodanis taught at Oxford University for many years. He is the author of "E=mc2: A Biography of the World's Most Famous Equation" (Walker & Co., 2000). His new book, "Electric Universe," will be published in February.
September 17, 2004

If Einstein hadn't smarted off to his professors while he was in college... he'd have never been "Saddled" with that crappy job... the one that as it turns out was exactly what he needed to be able to think clearly enough (with unfettered concentration) to figure out that time doesn't exist.

Everybody has a good day from time to time, but what happened to Albert Einstein in 1905, when he was just 26 years old, was extraordinary: He wrote five powerful papers in one year -- any one of which would have been worthy of the Nobel Prize, laying the foundation for the modern pharmaceutical industry, quantum mechanics and the theory of relativity. He even came up that year with the beguilingly simple formula -- E=mc2 -- that has done so much to transform our century.

What made it even more extraordinary -- as "Einstein," an exhibition at the Skirball Cultural Center, reveals -- was that up until the start of that year, nobody had any idea he was capable of this. He'd been an average university student in Zurich, Switzerland, and because he had smarted off so much to his teachers he hadn't been allowed into graduate school. The best job he'd been able to wangle was that of patent clerk, third class, under the stern eye of one Herr Haller in the Federal Patent Office in Bern, Switzerland.

It turned out to be a blessing in disguise. He'd received a thorough enough grounding in the basic tools of physics from his schooling, and if he had gone straight to a university job, he wrote later, he probably wouldn't have had the time for the quiet, unpressured reflection needed for his breakthroughs.

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Two beliefs kept Einstein motivated in those years at the patent office. The first was that there were great truths waiting to be discovered. He felt, as he once put it, like a little boy standing in a big, dark room lined with books with titles that were hard to distinguish -- but with enough concentration and humility, a few of the waiting pages could be read.

His second motivating belief was that the universe was simple, and the same for everyone. If I, standing still, view a light beam as moving at a certain rate of speed, I have no right to say that this is the "true" rate, and that what you, running along beside the beam, might measure about its speed is wrong. Rather, there had to be a way to make any two such views be seen as just one aspect of a deeper, common truth. From that reasoning -- and with just a few lines of high school algebra -- much of relativity, as well as the formula E=mc2, could be deduced.

It also helped that he was struggling with these problems at a very propitious time. Stephen Jay Gould has pointed out that the reason it's so hard to hit .400 in major league baseball today is that the whole level of play has been raised. In the 1920s and 1930s there were many weak teams, against which it was easy for top hitters to pump up their averages. Today though, there are fewer consistently weak teams. Batters have a higher standard against which to try to stand out.

Einstein was like one of those old-time batters. Today there are thousands of physicists in the world, but when Einstein was at the patent office there were scarcely any -- perhaps six full-time physicists in Switzerland and at most a few hundred in other major countries. He could take the time he needed for quiet mulling without too much worry that anyone would catch up to him.

To top it all, Einstein, who was born and raised in Germany, had the trait many immigrants share -- because they are, in a sense, outsiders -- of questioning what the society around them insists to be true. Although Einstein's parents were not very religious, he knew he came from a line of very Orthodox Jews who had no knowledge of 19th century science. At university, he learned that the biblical tales those ancestors had believed were false, or at least incomplete when it came to science.

But then when his Zurich teachers told him that what he was learning was the total and complete truth, he didn't believe them. After all, his family had been fooled once by taking too much on trust. He ended up questioning whether, by simple analogy, what his overconfident professors were teaching him could be incomplete as well.

Conclusion? The next Einstein -- whether in physics or literature or software -- may also come from America's immigrant groups. It is those who retain that questioning attitude, that suspicion that what everyone in a new environment is telling them might not really be the full truth after all, who have the ability to ask the right questions.

And that is what made Einstein's 1905 so great.

Source: La Times 2004 op ed

"E=mc2: A Biography of the World's Most Famous Equation" on Kindle

Emotional Eating for codependents

How to Overcome Emotional Eating

By admin on Mar 25, 2009 in Diet and Nutrition

The problem of emotional eating may end with the scale but it begins in the mind. Stress takes its toll on your life. When your defenses are compromised your health takes a hit and so do your emotions.

Everyone has good days and bad days. How we deal with the bad ones brings emotional eating into play. You look for comfort. People who turn to food for comfort find a coping mechanism that won’t judge them, hurt them or tell them to stop. To complicate the issue, eating can stimulate the release of endorphins just like exercise. So, after you eat, you feel better.

Emotional eaters use food to relieve stress. They hide behind the food instead of seeking solutions to the problems. But, how do you know you are using food in this way? The first sign is obvious. You will gain weight if you eat too much. In light of the weight gain, examine other areas of your life:

* Have you been under stress lately at work or at home?
* Has anything traumatic happened in the last year?
* Are you dealing with a problem but haven’t found a solution?

Answering “yes” to any of these questions could mean that you are an emotional eater. You eat but you are not necessarily hungry at the time. Do you typically choose comfort foods like these?

* High fat foods like French fries, fried foods
* High carb foods like macaroni and cheese, mashed potatoes
* Sugary foods like ice cream, donuts, cookies, cake

There is help for emotional eaters. The first step is recognizing that you have a problem. You’ll experience feelings of helplessness and guilt. The guilt is over potentially ruining your health and the helplessness lies in the fact that you don’t see a way out.

read more...

Addiction Substitution

I've always followed the problems of over eating as an addiction because for me, over eating is like sex addiction.

What do I mean by that?

Conventional Wisdom in substance abuse remedial thought is that you have to stop using before you can 'get better'

bullsh**

I'm of the opinion that all that's going to get you is substituting addictions:

• Methadone for Heroin
• AA 12 step groups for Alchohol (that's right there are people who get addicted to meetings as if that's all there is to thier lives)

What if you're addicted to sex? What are you gonna do... be celibate?

You first mother f****er

What if you're addicted to.. food? What are you gonna do then sherlock?

Both of those addictions require that you ACTUALLY heal from addiction!

There is no substitution for food (sustanence)

What passes for conventional substance abuse recovery is treating the symptom and not going after the root cause... which leads me to admire overeaters annonymous

There is a Yahoo email list that I've spent some time on and recommend it highly. 

(so what's an 'email list'? both Google and Yahoo call thier lists - groups. It is.. an online message board where each post is also emailed to the 'group' or 'list'.  You *post* a question, the whole group see's it online AND they get it in an email)

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/overeaters/?v=1&t=search&ch=web&pub=groups&sec=group&slk=3

You're going to have to have a Yahoo email address to do this, that also means you're going to have a Yahoo account. email me if you get stuck, my helping is me doing the 12th step, go out and help somebody else

till next time

David Bruce

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Them's Fightin Words, or Shooting words?

A man who shot and wounded a fellow Internet chatter outside a Westchester Best Buy was sentenced to 30 years.

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This article on the surface seems like just another angry man flying off the handle, look closer and you'll see non functional boundaries at work.

It's not possible to get upset over what others say about you if you have functional boundaries!

BY DAVID OVALLE

DOVALLE@MIAMIHERALD.COM

William Cruz and Yanko Diaz first met and traded insults in a Latin Internet chat room.

In real life, words turned to bullets.

William ''Cubano35'' Cruz shot Yanko ''Latengoparada'' Diaz in May 2005 outside a Westchester Best Buy. Suspected motive: Cruz was jealous that he was left out of real-life gatherings of chat-room pals.

Cruz, 42, now must serve 30 years in prison, a Miami-Dade judge ruled Friday.

''I think that when you took those actions, you didn't care about the consequences,'' Circuit Judge Julio Jimenez told Cruz.

Diaz, 26, of Hialeah, whose Spanish screen name translates to a phrase indicating his sexual arousal, survived with bullet wounds to the right wrist and the left thumb and buttocks.

''You never know who you are dealing with on the Internet. Clever screen names don't protect you,'' said Miami-Dade prosecutor Suzanne Bell. ``Yanko Diaz almost lost his life when virtual bluster and bravado in a chat room were transformed into real bullets.''

CONVICTED IN JANUARY

Jurors convicted Cruz of second-degree attempted murder in January. During trial, prosecutors Bell and Suzanne Von Paulus told this tale:

It started in a chat room called ''Cuba1,'' accessed through Latinchat.com.

''A small group of people would talk about various things. It was a way to meet friends,'' Diaz said in a sworn affidavit. ``It was a specific group for Cubans looking to meet Cubans.''

Chatters included ''El Habanero'' (Havana Man), ''La Gata Fiera'' (The Raging Cat) and ''Dura y Peligrosa'' (Tough and Dangerous). Through chatting, Diaz even met his girlfriend, Yosandra Piedra, ''La Villana'' (The Villain).

Sometimes, the group met socially, sans Cruz. Diaz said: ``I believe this made him jealous and envious.''

Cruz began insulting people for no reason, telling them of his gun and plans to ''empty it on all of us,'' chatters said.

Cruz later claimed the chatters ganged up on him because they mistakingly believed he was mistreating a cyber girlfriend from Sweden.

Somehow, Cruz got Diaz's cellphone number. For weeks, he threatened him.

Finally on May 7, 2005, Diaz agreed to meet Cruz to talk at the Best Buy, 7755 SW 40th St., just past 9 p.m.

But as Diaz pulled up in his black Toyota Camry, Cruz appeared and shot into the car, wounding Diaz as shoppers fled for cover.

''I got you right where I want you and here is the gift I am going to give your mother for Mother's Day,'' Cruz yelled, Diaz remembered.

PERCEIVED THREAT

Cruz told police that Diaz, from behind tinted windows, may have posed a threat.

On Friday, Diaz and Piedra -- who have a son together now -- appeared in court.

A bullet remains lodged in his thigh, causing pain in cold weather and triggering alarms at airport checkpoints, Diaz told the judge.

Cruz was defiant and rambling in court, calling Diaz a liar.

''He truly believes he is a victim,'' said his defense lawyer, Rene Palomino.

Source: Miami News Herald

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Subjective Reality: Time is an illusion- 20 things you didn't know

Time is an optical Illusion... or Delusion Einstein said so

Atheistic or Spiritual? Religious or Spiritual? Time is an optical Illusion... or Delusion Einstein said so.. science uses those equations as gospel. Scientists have been looking at the data and to date, very few of them want to say what's staring everyone right in the face.

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Do man and woman understand love the same way?

What passes for *love* in our society is a shared hallucination

, divorce is when that hallucination recedes (IMHO).

Men perceive love one way, Women another

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Do men and women understand love in the same way, this is a questioned oft posed by the perplexed and disillusioned. Love itself is a state of being, a spiritual condition, a chemical brew. It is a priceless treasure in its power to instill peace, confidence and self esteem, a spiritual fortification to last a lifetime.

It is used as an invaluable commodity because of limited supply to ratios of demand, and the clouds of confusion, pain, battling and suffering in its name. It becomes perversely a weapon, a tool of power used to exploit its devotees and seekers in exchange for devotion or submission.

Men and women both require fidelity, understanding and support. If there exists a disparity in the balance of need, {for example one otherwise independent person is overly dependent upon the other} this leads to an arrogant sense of boastfulness, thus destroying the spirit of love and nurturing in its stead, habitual dependency humans are creatures of habit and loathe to change partners following the investment of much emotion, time and attention.

Some having undergone the adverse travails of love avoid it as one would any implement that had caused injury to ones emotion. Hence the slow but sure demise and death of love in the heart and world. The political stratagems in dominance in a relationship and the overpriced expectations of the other far exceed any sense in grabbing a few moments of ‘’love’’ for what can become a nightmarish inextricable tryst where one bleeds the other.

The unfortunate oft occurring practice is the one bitten twice shy idiom, whereby ones cold and brutal attitude towards love or any purveyors of the same tend to coerce a situation where ones pessimisms is in danger of becoming a self executed prophecy. Man passes through many relationships, and gains understanding and maturity. The objective is to be a master, creator and inspirer of love, that you be able to alight its flame where so your heart desires than be fixated or broken by one who may not be ready for love or has diminished need and understanding …

***Love is a fragile spun thread, broken and shattered as quickly as it is woven and threaded into ones heart. Breathes life into the soul, filling the senses with the fragrant perfume of many summers. It requires but one sharp rebuke to demolish loves temple. Thus it is said love if for the courageous, brave hearted and great souled, for its fires light and warmth bring immortality to the earthbound mortal. Cupids are few and greater lurk the demons of love, preying upon Loves Angels until love is extinguished in envious ire. Thus love itself seeks a sanctum wherein to dwell and flourish, radiate its glorious light, and be freed from the ravages of sinful usurpers... Love that itself spends life spurned and repudiated for its refusal to descend where the hateful dwell. Love itself seeks a refuge in the devout and steadfast heart, how then can mortals condemn Love who themselves have turned for more enticing things of ill deceit, or for newer pastures and more ardent ways…

Love should begin upon passing through all ones trials and tribulations rather than be spurned as one may feel dejected by its cold and harsh administrations. Love is better gained when one least requires it, and none are more beautiful than the spiritually content self absorbed souls. To live is to love and to love is truly living, loved be


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This is one example of how exagerated some people's perception of what Love is and what it *should be*.




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below are some of the comments to this yahoo answers post:

Sometimes that some 'may' understand love the same way naturally. Although mostly still just really doesn't..I think men and women have distinctive characters of their own and even in both genders. It may also reflect on how they view love based upon their own concept and beliefs or up bringing (influences). Then how they manifest it into their lives..As well as to express it accordingly respectively of one's individuality.
However, I may think of men as that of by masculine in nature are more usually passively with their expressions and how they may understand nor respond to love comparable to women who are the femnine in nature. A relationship builder and a nurturer, as love could be expressed and understood from these natural capacities much better.
No matter how may differences arise. Goals are achieved in love by the balancing of our good qualities & even flawed natures as human creatures. Between a man and a woman..Between a masculine and feminine energy. Love is also manifested in mutual correspondences that link eachother to harmonize, Then it blossoms into the same path of understanding. From there we become one..in love's fullest fulfillment.
My inspiration are all the wiser people above me..& most of all 'love'.


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think both understand what love is but have different expectations and also express love differently in certain ways. I think a lot of women aren't afraid to show their true love feelings, whereas some men seem to think it a weakness to show too much love. Thats not to say that there are the odd few men out there that aren't afraid to show their heartfelt feelings all the time, i just think it is maybe a bit easier for a woman to show emotions, especially love, more often...

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Drug Rehab Really Does Work If It Is Done Right

What Good is Drug Rehab?

With all the media coverage about celebrities "returning" for more drug rehab, some of them for the third or fourth time, many people are getting the idea that rehab doesn't really work. Some people are beginning to think that public funding for drug rehab programs is a waste of tax dollars. The fact is, lifelong recovery from alcohol and drug addiction is almost a certainty when drug rehab is done right.

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The public's lack of trust in drug rehab programs is leading to some dangerously bad ideas, such as putting people addicted to alcohol or drugs on some other drug, or worse, legalizing drugs. These are not solutions, they are problems masquerading as solutions. The call for legalization of drugs is the most compelling evidence that drug rehab is basically a hit-or-miss failure in many, if not most, settings. This is total surrender, a complete capitulation to the power of drugs. It says, "Okay, drugs. You win. Come on in and rule our lives because there's nothing we can do about you."

Putting heroin addicts on methadone is another testament to the failure of most approaches to rehab. Methadone "replacement therapy" is entrenched across the country and around the world. Addicts remain addicted to a "legal" drug instead of an illegal one. The idea of getting free of drugs has simply been abandoned. The thought process that leads to this non-solution is, "Drug rehab probably won't work, and it's going to be too much trouble to try to save this person anyway. At least they won't share contaminated needles and they might get some of their life back. Of course, they're addicted to this drug now, but what else can we do about it?"

Another example of "replacement therapy" is putting drug addicts, and especially alcoholics, on addiction-blocking drugs such as naltrexone. This drug prevents the brain's receptors from responding to opiate drugs and alcohol, and actually works for a while to reduce the craving for the substance. Sounds good, right? The problem is, naltrexone blocks all pleasure responses. Life just turns gray and isn't really worth living. And worse, it can increase the possibility of an opiate overdose, which can be fatal.

In any of these kinds of situations, we are simply trading one drug (and often a new addiction) for another. This makes the pharmaceutical companies happy, but it does not achieve any kind of rehabilitation for the addicted persons. So why are we not putting unfortunate drug-dependent people through drug rehab programs? The answer is clear - many programs have abysmal success rates. They don't have all the elements in place that can make drug rehab successful.

The drug rehab program you choose should empower you, so that you accomplish life long freedom from drug use. It should take you through detox and withdrawal and ensure that you repair the damage drugs have done to your life. It puts you back in control and functioning in society again - enjoying good family relationships, holding down a job and living a successful drug-free life.

All drug rehab programs are not created equal. There are drug rehab centers that successfully address all the issues. If you or someone you care about needs help with alcohol or drug addiction, contact a drug rehab program counselor who knows what works and can help you find a successful drug rehab program.

Rod MacTaggart is a freelance writer who contributes articles on health.

info@drugrehabreferral.com

http://www.drugrehabreferral.com

Expecting a special dispensation

What are "bad boundaries"?

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A More useful description would be "less than functional boundaries".  Healthy boundaries aren't a 'cut n dry' proposition. And they aren't all or nothing deals either.

A person can have functional boundaries in many areas of their lives, maybe even MOST areas of their lives... but when it comes to a certain area...they let people walk all over them.

OR, they are balanced individuals most of the time, but when a particular situation comes up, they become tyrants or cry babies or vindictive.. all three behaviors are direct results of boundary issues being out of balance.

A healthy boundary isn't a wall.

If you had a "less than functional" boundary where you kept letting people hurt you, you continually fell for members of the opposite sex that you knew were going to cheat on you .

(and don't give me that "I didn't know" crap... on a subconscious level you knew... that's why you picked em... but that is a blog post unto itself)

Or you were 'inept' socially, where you kept getting yourself into a situation where people would humiliate you, you feared opening your mouth in public because you just couldn't keep yourself from saying something inappropriate.

and you decided that it hurt

and the only thing you could do to protect yourself is withdraw (to a safe distance)

that's a wall.. it's NOT a boundary

Victim behavior is the natural progression of less than functional boundaries.

If you can't protect yourself, if you keep stepping in a hole because you don't see it.. and you do this all the time.. and from your perspective it looks like LIFE is DOING THIS TO YOU.

(it's not, you're actually doing to yourself, but you can't see that from the seat you've taken in lifes arena)

What are you going to do?

Expect a special dispensation

You expect 'extra consideration' because life took a sh** on you.

You poor baby...  the fates have conspired against you.

You're the best worst that ever lived

You've been dealt a crappy hand, and therefore you should be allowed a 'extra' turn, standard penalties don't apply to you... ever one else gets 5 points on thier licence and they loose it.

but because you've been dealt a crappy hand (your an orphan, or a sex abuse survivor or what ever... you child died (I know this one, my son died at age 5 months so don't even go there with me on this one!)

and you somehow feel you're entitled.. entitled to an extra "Pass Go and collect $200"

It's late and I've got to get up in a few hours.. I do feel better now that I posted to this blog though

Merry Christmas (I forgot to post on Christmas day, sorry my bad)

Upsetting the status quo

Upsetting the status quo, your family of origin's reaction
to your new boundaries.

Or no good deed goes unpunished

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an Article by David Bruce Jr

Now that you have your new found functional boundaries,
what is some bad news you now have to deal with?

You will have to decide, with determination, that you've
done this for YOUR benefit.

You have to make this effort with the underlying goal of
valuing yourself!

Virtually no one in your current circle of friends,
acquaintances, or especially your family of origin is going
to support you in this noble endeavor!

Why?

Because you have changed the rules!

In your family of origin, and more than likely, your
current family (if you have one), everyone has operated on
the status quo, they've learned that 'getting their needs
met' depends on everyone staying in the dysfunctional
pattern.

In family systems theory, the clinical term for this
situation is homeostasis.

What is going on is that, in spite of the fact that,
rationally, operating with functional boundaries is better
for all concerned- everyone has, dysfunctionally, adapted to
everyone else agreeing to being where they currently are in
the pecking order.

Your explaining, in rational terms, is likely to have
little effect on anyone involved.

I'm sorry to have to break this to you, but this is the way it is.

Regardless of how you feel about this Christian metaphor,
you're going to be in the same boat as Job from the old
testament.

You're going to have to learn to love God (and yourself)
for no reason!

Not for selfish personal gain, which is exactly what is
going on if you're attempting to do this to save a
relationship, you're going to have to set your boundaries
because you value yourself!

How can I test my new boundaries with my children?

Go get a fantastic set of books called S.T.E.P.

Systematic Training for Effective Parenting

If you find that you cannot do what is suggested, you still need work.

You will also find that children do not really know why,
intellectually, they do some of the things they do. It
can be counter productive for you to teach with
intellectual explanations,

What you're going to have to do is to teach by example.

This is tough, double tough, but is rewarding beyond your
wildest dreams, if you remain true to your self.