Sunday, March 14, 2010

Boundaries Are Containers For Self Esteem

Boundaries and Self Esteem
You don't have to be codependent to be concerned about Self Esteem. Everyone knows self esteem is important, most of us know our self esteem could use some boosting.

Codependents ARE codependent because their boundaries are damaged. Problem is almost no one (therapists included) are in agreement with a functional definition of exactly what boundaries are or what they look like.

The only people concerned with functional boundaries are those on the "shi*y end of the stick"

If you find your self constantly being "walked on" or if you have a pattern of repeatedly setting yourself up to be taken advantage of... you have less than functional boundaries. We can't call them "good boundaries" or "bad boundaries" because it's a subjective thing, who is to say what is "good" or "bad"?

I prefer to refer to boundaries as either functional or less than functional.

Why To Is More Important Then How To

What does having functional boundaries do for you?
They are the "container" for your sense of self, boundaries are where you end and other people begin.
If you have less than functional boundaries, you think it's normal for other peoples problems or issues affect you. In actuality, you don't have a "nickle in it". Non codependent people don't allow themselves to be manipulated or get caught up in "drama".
We do unfortunately, for some reason, we think this is normal.
We don't even notice that it isn't normal....

fold your arms
now fold them the other way
... feels funny doesn't it?

That's what it feels like to "train yourself" to rethink what normal is and doesn't have to be.

Self Esteem

No boundaries, no self esteem.
boundaries are the container for self esteem, without boundaries we don't have a "box" to put boundaries in!